The Roller Coaster That Was 2007

Abingdon Square, in my new nabe, the West Village

I haven’t been very good at posting here lately, and to be honest, I question even more my commitment to this blog. I am simply not a writer by nature, and the amount of time it takes to write posts, and then review them for grammar (of which I am terrible at), is more than I find I am willing to do. I have thoughts, I want to put them out there, but It always seems like such a task to do so. That said, I write this post not knowing what the future of TNNY is, but for now… I am doing a post.

2007 will go down as one of, if not the most pivotal years in my adult life, and since starting TNNY at the end of July, I have kept up with the ups and downs of my experience since arriving in New York. What I haven’t gone into much is what happened the first half of the year that led up to me making the biggest leap of faith in my life. The year started out with me living my life in Chicago. And a good life it was (at least by outward appearances)… I had a good job, I owned a very nice little loft in the heart of the Loop, and I was in a relationship that had lasted nearly two years (that happened in March), and things were pretty easy… Or so it seemed.

There were some rumblings under foot that things weren’t quite as rosy as they looked…. In November of 2006, my former employer (Equity Office Properties) announced that they had accepted an offer to go private, and since I managed all of the administration of our employee stock plans, I knew my position was going to vaporize. I was also having deep questions about my relationship with Michael. I had not been happy in my relationship for a while, and I felt so very much pressure to try and make it work. But every time I tried to convince myself that I was happy and in love, I came up feeling as though I was trying to achieve the impossible, and it wasn’t fair to Michael. But I kept trying any way, hoping, just hoping I would cross that final hurdle.

Still, if you had asked me in early April about my plans for the future, they were simply to let my job end, take my severance money, and find a new one… I was also planning my future move into the giant (by my standards) condo I have under contract in Printers Row (Oh, I guess I have never mentioned that…. Long story, but back in summer of 2006, I signed a contract on a really nice place currently under construction on Clark and Polk. Know anybody that wants to buy a condo?) I also began to feel more confidant that my relationship wasn’t going to last the year.

It was about the third week of April, Michael was in NYC, reconnecting with old friends, that an idea popped into my pretty little head (OK, maybe not so pretty or little). Since I had to look for a new job, and since I had a tidy severance package, and since I also had equity in my home… Why not live out my lifetime dream and move to NYC? I knew that Michael would be amenable to the idea, as he was from New York, and quickly reconnecting with old friends. I also created the illusion in my head that if he and I moved there together, we could make this work. So, in the matter of literally two or three days, I made the decision that I was going to do it, and when Michael came back from his visit to NYC, I stunned him with my suggestion that we move to New York together. He eagerly accepted.

The next couple of weeks was a brain softening whirlwind of chaos and activity as I(we) began the plans to make the move. Within a very few short days, I began to realize what I was about to do… I was about to move to New York with a man that, while I very much cared about him, I couldn’t help but feel deep down he was not the man I wanted to spend my life with. The stress of it all started taking a toll on my well being. I found myself waking up in cold sweats at 3am, my stomach was in knots most all of the time to the point of vomiting on several occasions, I had strange rashes developing on my body, and I realized that the biggest mistake I could make would be to continue to try and keep the relationship going. It was doing neither of us any good to keep the charade up.

It was the second weekend in May when David, a dear old friend (of 21 years) flew in from Phoenix for a trip we had planned in March. I felt awful that he was coming at that moment, but at the same time, I also felt the timing couldn’t have been better. It was during David’s three day visit that the stress of everything exploded like a volcano. We had all gone out on Friday night to experience the first annual Looptopia during which time Michael proceeded to do his best at making the experience as miserable for those around him as possible. I was angry beyond belief, and that was the final straw... I was done at that point. I hadn’t planned it, but having David there as a sounding board, gave me the balls to finally end what should have already been ended. I had no choice but to break Michael’s heart and put an end to my personal misery. It was one of the most painful and difficult things I have ever had to do. He didn’t take it well; it was not a pretty sight to behold… But I knew that I had to stand by my decision and stand up for myself. I could not back down any longer. It had boiled down to self preservation. It was fight or flight, and I had fought long enough…

In spite of the normal residual aftermath of a two plus year relationship, within hours I felt as though a ten thousand pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still cared very deeply about him, but I no longer loved him. I felt tremendous relief and was able to finally let go of the stress. (shortly afterwards, the rashes ended)

With that decision behind me, I found myself only a few weeks from the end of my six plus year job, and still very much decided, that I was going to proceed with my move to NYC. My time-line was very short. I had to finish out my final weeks at work, ready my apartment to sell, and prepare for how I was going to make it happen in New York City. By the beginning of June, I was officially unemployed, my home was on the market, and I decided to take June as a goof off month. I pretty much did nothing and had a great time doing it. By mid July, I flew JetBlue (plug) to New York and officially began living my dream.

It was shortly after arriving at the end of July when TNNY came into being, and if you have done any reading of previous posts, you can fill in the blanks from then till now. So as this year comes to an end, I can say that the roller coaster ride has certainly been an adventurous one. I have had some of my highest highs and lowest lows in my 42 years of living. But ultimately at the end of the year, I am in a better place than I have ever been. As for the relationship… I was pushed into breaking all ties with Michael at the end of June, but I harbor no ill will towards him, and I hope he finds the happiness he deserves in life.

So back to the status of TNNY… I am still undecided on what to do with this site. For now I will try to make more efforts at posting and keep it alive… I guess time will tell. To all of my readers out there, I want to thank you for taking the time to visit, and I wish all of you the very best in the New Year!