How Monster Earns it's Name

(If only all Monsters were as cute as this laptop sleeve.)

Something I haven't written about here is the fact that I am currently unemployed with no source of income. My job ended at the end of May, and my severance ran out last month. I am living off of savings at the moment, although I have decided that I will give in to my pride and file for unemployment this week. To be truthful, I haven't spent the entire last five months looking for work; I took some time off to enjoy the fact that I simply could do such a thing. And during that time off, I've accomplished a few small little things... such as sell my home, pack up my life, move it 793 miles to a storage locker in Brooklyn, crash at my BFF's place for two + months (for which I am eternally grateful), experience the realities of finding an apartment in Manhattan, landing a tiny apartment in Magicland, and then moving in. Like I said, a few small little things.

As far as job-hunting, I have been working on it... My resume is all spiffed up, I bought a new suit, I am active on Monster, I have met with half a dozen headhunters, and been out on a few interviews. (In fact, I have a final interview tomorrow, which I will expand on should it turn into something. I don't count my chickens until they have hatched.) Now that I have the apartment, and can finally settle in, I can focus much more on the job hunt.

As fantastic as it would be to live a carefree life doing nothing but artistic endeavors, I accept certain realities and do what works best for me... The corporate gig. I enjoy the benefits, the stability of a consistent payday, along with a good 401k matching plan far too much to risk living from paycheck to paycheck. I could certainly never work on a commission basis; I simply couldn't handle the stress of not knowing how much income I would have from month to month. I have enough drama in my life as it is, thank you.

My career goal is pretty specific; I want a position within the compensation/benefits area of an hr department at a sizable corporation, focused on comp analysis or the administration of comp plans. That is what I want, I am qualified to do it, it actually interests me (I know, pretty geeky huh?), I know that I can earn a decent living doing it, and as long as it's a good work environment, I won't hate going to work each day.

The last time I was looking for work, Bill Clinton was President (good times, good times indeed), newspapers were a primary source of job leads, and to apply for a position, you would fax your cover letter and resume from the corner store. Now a days, when looking for a job in the modern world, one must accept that by far the best way to get your name and resume out there is to post it on Monster (and CareerBuilder, but they're pretty lame). Now, Monster did exist back in the days of dial-up, when I was last looking for work. But times were much simpler then... The economy was swimming along, you could meet people at the gate at the airport, and the country was nearly debt free. Unfortunately, in the intervening years, as we have given up privacies and freedoms, signing up with Monster has resulted in severe side effects. Doing such an action now results in long lasting repercussions.

In spite of my best efforts to minimize the crap-storm that comes flying back at you when you sign up with Monster, I spend several minutes each day fielding phone calls from recruiters trying to get me to set up interviews for jobs doing anything but what I am looking for, as well as deleting the sometimes dozen or so spam emails telling me about all sorts of opportunities to earn big bucks part-time while working from home. Here are a few examples of actual emails...

I could work in the Healthcare Industry and earn a $1,000 a month:

Hello Devyn,
This is Jackson Andreea, assistant staff manager from Top Healthcare. I had the pleasure of reviewing your recent resume posted on www.monster.com, right now we have open vacancy in your local area. Your education and experience really interested me. As far as I understand, you are most interested in customer service area. Today Top Healthcare has a vacancy in your state. We are a company based in Europe.
We receive orders from US and we need a representative to process the payments due to the delays in clearing checks in Europe.

-Flexible program: two hours/day at your choice, daytime and evening time
-Work at home: checking e-mail and going to the bank
-Monthly salary: $1,000 per month
-Commission: 10% of every check that clears, instantly cash in hand that you will deduct from the cashed amount.

I could be a Children's Hair Stylist:

Dear Devyn,
The qualifications and experiences you've listed on your resume prompted me to contact you regarding an available position we are attempting to fill for a client. Pigtails & Crewcuts is looking for a Stylist and I feel that you may have the attributes they are seeking.
When it is time for a haircut, it is time for Pigtails & Crewcuts. Why go to an ordinary salon or barbershop? Make it fun! They don’t just specialize in children; they cater to them. They have specially designed chairs and movies that play throughout the salon. At the end of the client’s experience get a lollipop and pick a prize from their treasure chest. They strive to make every visit exciting for children and relaxing for parents.
Pigtails & Crewcuts is always looking for qualified individuals who are creative and patient with the younger set. Part time and full time employment opportunities are available for stylists at this time. Did we mention that Pigtails & Crewcuts stylists are paid hourly, how great is that? They have everything you need; just bring your scissors and a great attitude.
If you are interested in joining Pigtails & Crewcuts as a Stylist, please click the link below and fill out the online application.

Or I could simply front for the Russians:

Hello Devyn,
My name is Vladimir Ivanov. As EroPayNow’s Corp top manager I am in charge of our performance control and further business development in the US. I am also involved in advising and attracting new employees. I have reviewed your resume on www.monster.com and believe you have a good chance to receive the position of a Financial Manager. Please read below for more information on our company.
EuroPayNow is one of the leading developers of complex payment solutions targeted at facilitating funds transfers from various regions of the world including those which are difficult of access. We have a great number of companies and businessman who refer to our services to expedite their funds flow. Having highly qualified and trained couriers all over the world allows us to successfully eliminate incompatibility of various payment systems and make transfers cost effective. The company has its headquarters in Moscow, Russia. For more information please visit official site of the company: www.europaynow.us

This is but a small sample of how my personal and private information is being made public with no thanks to Monster or CareerBuilder. And quite honestly, I don't like how my name, and home address are so very public that spammers in Russia (the global top spam producer) now have a direct line to me. I find it pretty disturbing (although not nearly as disturbing as the thought that people actually respond to these hoaxes, thereby fueling them to send out more).

Fortunately, I was smart enough to obtain a free New York area phone number from Grand Central that isn't my home or cell number, so when they call, they aren't calling my actual numbers. Unfortunately, I didn't think to create a special job-hunting email address for Monster and CareerBuilder until a week after I first uploaded my resume. Even with my real email being up for only a week in July, I still have crap coming into my regular in-box, although most of the crap-storm now comes into my job-hunting in-box.

I haven't even mentioned the barrage of crap trying to trick me into signing up for a degree from the University of Phoenix, or some other educational opportunity every time I log onto Monster. Or the constant feed of ads placed on the sight.

There are other options for job-hunting to be sure (Craigslist being one), but the reality remains that in order to get your name out there, you need to rely upon Monster and it's ilk. It has ultimately been Monster that has garnered me phone calls from legitimate recruiters. Whether I like it or not... That is how the game is played now.